Chickens

Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time wen by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day.

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So one day Farmer John called the sheriff’s office and said, “You’ve got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens.”

“What do you want me to do?” asked the sheriff.

“I don’t care, just do something about those crazy drivers!”

So the next day he had the county workers go out and erected a sign that said:

SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING

Three days later Farmer John called the sheriff and said, “You’ve got to do something about these drivers. The ‘School Crossing’ sign seems to make them go even faster.”

So again the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign:

SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY

That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and called and called every day for three weeks. Finally, he asked the sheriff, “Your signs are doing no good. Can I put up my own sign?”

The sheriff told him, “Sure thing, put up your own sign … ” He was going to let Farmer John do just about anything in order to get him to stop calling every day to complain.

The sheriff got no more calls from Farmer John. Three weeks later, curiosity got the best of him and he decided to give Farmer John a call. “How’s the problem with those drivers? Did you put up your sign?”

“Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since. I’ve got to go. I’m very busy.” He hung up the phone.

The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself, “I’d better go out there and take a look at that sign … it might be something that WE could use to slow down drivers … ” So the sheriff drove out to Farmer John’s house and his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign. It was spray-painted on a sheet of wood:

NUDIST COLONY

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Support

Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

A: If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts!

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The Safe

Two attorneys formed a corporation. Having been successful upon opening they deceided to go out for dinner. Having ordered and with some business discussion one stands up suddenly and declares— I will be back in a few minutes…What is the problem, asked the other….He replied, I left the safe open….The other remarked: What’s to worry about, we are both here…

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Speeding Ticket

A police officer pulled over a person who was speeding. The police officer walks up to the car and starts to talk to the man.

The cop says “Sir may i see your licence please.”
The man says, “I don’t have my licence officer.”
The cop says, “You don’t do you, well then let me see your registration.”
The man say, “I don’t have any registration, but wait let me see i think i saw it when i put my gun in the glove compartment”
The cop says pulling his gun out of its holster,”you gotta gun in the glove compartment?”
The man says, “Yeah, i used it to shoot the lady that i stole the car from”.
The Cop says, “You shot a lady and stole her car.”
The man says, “Yeah, shes in the trunk.”
The cop Says, “you put the lady in the trunk?”

The cop thinks that he can’t handle this by himself and calls in back up. The back up arrived and a police negotiator walks up to the car and talks to the man.

The negotiator says, “I understand you don’t have your licence.”
The man says, “What of course i have my licence.”
The negotiator says,”You do then what about your registration?”
The man says, “Yep, i got that to its in my glove compartment.”
The negotiator walks over and opens the glove compartement and to his surprise, the registration was in there and not a gun.
the negotiator says,”well what about the lady you stole the car from that you locked in the trunk?’
The man says, “Lady in the trunk what are you talking about?!”
The negotiator says, “Well one of the officers over there told me all of this stuff.”
The man says, “well i bet that son-of-a-b***h told you i was speeding too!”

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Lawyer on the Road

What is the difference between a dead snake on the road and a dead lawyer on the road?

The snake has skid marks in front of it.

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